Wednesday, December 23, 2009


Regret?? Yes.. Still hoping?? Yes.. Sigh~

Am I wasting my time?? I xknow..Sigh~

I just hope that God will answer my prayers.. I'm hoping as I always do..But I am scared that I will get hurt again n again..I xknow how much this heart can endure it..

Am I too easy to trust people?? Perhaps I am..

Am I too easy to forgive people??I am..but it's not wrong..

Am I too easy to be taken advantage of?? Perhaps I am..

Life is unfair sometimes n I hate it..It's not that I am questioning Qada' n Qadar..I just hope that life will be good or at least that this heart wont feel this throbbing pain..It just keep going on n on n on..

I thought after the breakup life will be good..but it's not..N I'm like an idiot waiting n hoping again n again..

Frens told me I am easy to be deceived..easy to trust people..I xknow what to do now..

Hope..I hate that word..

Thursday, December 17, 2009


When a a people asks for forgiveness,we try to forgive him.It's a natural thing to do..sometimes ppl take things 4 granted.Do things without thinking abt the impact n consequences..N then sorry...End of story..

I dunno..My prob is I am so weak.Dats why people took advantage of me..I just hope I am strong enough to face the future..

I just hope the decision that I made yesterday was right..I hope I wont get hurt again..I know I'm not the unluckiest person in the world but I had gone through a lot of things in life..Not only me but my mom n my bro..Life is unfair sometimes..Dad passed away n life was hard..Mom is right..She suffered a lot..She didnt talk bad to ppl,she didnt do unkind things to ppl yet ppl did a lot of bad things to her n that include my so-called-family...All her life is dedicated to me n my bro..Yet she still got tested..I am sorry for her..I know she loves us dearly n she doesnt deserved to be treated like that..

I hope life will be much easier..I hope I can finally have a perm job( as a teacher,hopefully),settle down with the man that I love n thats it..hoping that at least my mom will be less worry abt me..I hope adik will get good result for his master..I am so proud of him..Only 23 and he is already doing his master.I hope his journey will be smooth..He is the most brilliant bro i ever have n yet he never had a good journey..I know he was dissapointed to never be able to study medicine..I know he was dissapointed coz he was never been offered any scholarship despite all the excellent results..

Life is an amazing journey..n I believe that life,mine particularly is no diff..its like a drama or a movie..n mine is so complex..I learn that kinship is nothing compared to money..N i thought b4 that dis only happens in drama..

Perhaps I should change dis blog's name.blk2 ckp psl bende yg same kan??But Im not a biarla..
Perhaps I should find some time to write abt other things..actually I do have smething in mind but mybe next time la..

So,yesterday I chose to forgive n I hope I will be happy..

Sunday, December 13, 2009


I look around at other people's blogs n their blogs are like nice n cheery with lots of pic n stuff..but mine is like blah..but I believe more in the story.I'd came across blogs that are not that fancy but their stories are good.n for me that is what blog is about,rite??but of course,fancy is nice..

For me,rite now,I xwant to put pic yet..mybe later..

But I like to write..writing is my passion..perhaps I will write more other than sadness n misery.hehe

Just for some afternoon post here.Wish I can get more people to read but nah...who wants to read a boring blog??

(Me excluded) :p

Saturday, December 12, 2009


ntahla..looking back on all my posts sume ckp psl misery,sadness..But I am sad..Im not good in pretending to be happy or be someone else..Ckp pun main ikut lps..tula,xreti nak hipokrit.pdn muka sndr.

Biarla kan ape nak jd pun..nangis cmne pun,sedih cmne pun,the reality is still there..biarla cmne pun ..

But I hate to be lied..I hate to be taken advantage..Am I too bad that I am deserved to be treated like a piece of trash??Nak luah,luah.pastu snyp..igt ht n perasaan leh buat main??Im not desperate ok??shame on u for treating me like that!!

Ntahla..Just let it be..I hope I can finally meet n find my own happiness..Everything happens for a reason..Perhaps ni blsn kot psl I myself broke the promise I made to my ex??Tp slh ke??Is it wrong for me to fight for my own happiness???

I dont know..I wish I have some answers..

Sunday, December 6, 2009

School holiday..

School holiday..sigh~ it has been 3 weeks yet I feel like it just started..mau x,2 weeks kene p skolah buat keje org..mcm kerani pun ade..ape2 pun dh krg kene p skolah gak..ntahla..xnak pk cuti pun amat boring..

Now,Im trying to catch up with all my posts n then fb n then ntahla..Im still wondering abt where I will be working next year n I miss my students already..erm..But what to do..Just wish that I will get to be a perm teacher..

Lots of things happen..good n bad..but mostly bad..I finally get my own car which is cool but the bad thing is, a dog HIT my car n my car was not even a month old!!!yes, it HIT my car.not the other way round.I was on the way to school n suddenly a black dog came out of nowhere did a kamikaze by suddenly ran crossing the road.It was just like not even half of metre away from me!!I couldnt go to the left coz there was a motorcycle next to me..I couldnt just brake coz the car behind me was so close to my car's beautiful butt and hell yeah I couldnt go to the right coz the lights just turned green!!I braked n it hit..sorry,doggie.but MIRACULOUSLY the dog survived!!I had this scream like AAAAHHHH!!! n the cake that i brought to school for the class party fell down.When I reached school,I saw that the plate no was missing!!damn!! what a bad car,hit a black dog.Sometimes I have to be kind of pantang a bit la..

Then, abt my private life..ntahla..I give up..perhaps Im not good enough to be happy..just biarla..

A lot to be shared but krg jd berita besar,dats all for now..

Im uploading my pics to my fb..Im so this moment,I wish I have a bf..Tp dl ade pun mcm xde..but at least I was happy n sad..ok,dat was history already..haha!!

need some beauty sleep...bye

Saturday, October 31, 2009

What a complicated life!!

I know my new blog is kinda boring since there is not a single picture except that big lily.I miss my old blog..I did try to upload some pic but I cant find enough time to do that!!!I am so damn tired.There are some teachers at school that just passed their works to me (they are just easy works,mind u!!) and in the end they get the credits and Im the one dat do all the hard works.kalo dpt jd permanent xpela gak...huhu..but I pray that all these sufferings will come to end..

Exam is around the corner..there are books to be marked and the school holiday is near..I mean,cptnye!!!! mcm baru je msuk keje bln 3 hr tu...but no matter how tiring the work is,how stressfull i am with all the workloads n the kids..I am happy..Im happy with this job..the satisfaction to see my students excel in term of the results, their confidence level..I mean,I am proud to see they do their presentation so well after they listened to my comments..Im happy to see my students antics..sometimes,when I am scolding them,they just make jokes as if they are trying to be innocents and sometimes they turned up funny and I try so hard to not laugh at them as I am supposed to be angry!!

I xknow whether I will be at the same school next year..I xthink I will be this happy if I work in an audit firm or at other place..damn..Im gonna miss them..

And Im still waiting for a good news.....I am confused..ntahla..I xwant to think abt it now..I am so tired n sleepy..I went to see my bro and my mom didnt want to take turn to drive my car..i woke up early yes,im tired..I know for sure that im going to be 'dead' when I lay down to my bed,snuggle with my bantal busuk..ahh...this is the real satisfaction...hehe..

Sunday, October 25, 2009


I have so much to say but the time constraints really piss me off...wish I can have more time to focus on my blog..Even nak upload gbr dr hp pun xde mase lg..

But sometimes,ada masa pun,lth,nak rest la plak..haha.what a life..

Im waiting for my new baby..cant wait!! OMG,im sooo happy..kalo baby sndiri yg real2 tu lgla lgla bende jek..

So,will post more when Im trying to improve n beautify my blog..want to put the chat box,but ada ke org nak chat??what the hell..

So,now it's Im officially want to zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....tomorrow is monday n monday sucks...huhu.


Sunday, October 11, 2009


I love my ex..I dont deny it.I really do.But somehow,no matter how I love him, I broke up with him..I dont know how he does it but he really wants to erase me out of his life..yet he put our pic together in fb..I know I'm being selfish but he was my friend,the closest one since I dont have many frens..The reality is he was part of my life and he will forever be coz he is..I even dreamed before that I would settle down with him..

Was I being cruel to him??I did have this thought whether I did the right decision..hell yeah I cried a lot..I miss him so much..I broke up with him,my first bf after 4 years of courtship..I realized that I am so lonely..but I was hurt so much..I had this insecurities that I tried to deny..countless heartbreaks n fights that were never solved coz he  never want to talk!!I tried so hard to keep our relationship apart but it takes two to succeed....

It's been 3months and a week since the breakup..I'm opening a new chapter in my life..I try to be strong eventhough I know it will be difficult..

I was given a new hope after the breakup with a man I barely knew eventhough I knew him way back then but...too many confusions and questions to be answered..yet I'm hoping as usual..I dont know..Perhaps now I need some good sleep rather than crack my head open..sweet dream y'all..


btw,I bought a new clock today.It's digital,big and it's thats means I have a clock in my room again which will make my life way much easier since I dont have to look to my hp,my watch in order to check on times when I'm in my room.So,a good news I supposed??haha!!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

undeniable yet still hoping..

It's undeniable that people seldom admit that they lie.Yet they still give us hope.I dont know why..I was given a hope and as usual,we hope that things will be as what we hoped for.I'm still waiting.But it's also undeniable that perhaps that hope is dashed..But I'm still hoping by looking at my inbox messages and by having a lil bit of trust of his words..

A bit of morning post here.Since it's a new start,perhaps today will make up my day.haha!

A gloomy start

To start a new life after being in a comfort zone is a tough one.I'm not an optimist nor a pessimist.I'm trying to be optimistic but I'm afraid that I will get hurt for being too optimist..But deep inside,no matter how I try to control myself, I still have this urge to hope that things will go as how I want it to be.Well,it's normal since we are humans..sigh~but the thing is that most of the times,things don't go as what we had hoped for.

I'm more of a pessimist I must say. A crybaby. An emotional one. Perhaps I grew up watching all this drama in life where all the injustice,hypocrisy n egoism prevailed. And the drama is still ongoing..I did question "Ya Allah,why me?" but in the end I try to accept all these tests to be a better person and a way that God loves me..

Anna is an initial of names while Sayuri is lily in japanese.I like lily.I like the pureness,the beauty of it..thats how I came up with this name.I dont know whether this blog will even have a reader.I dont care.Nah,of course I care.But in the end,I dont mind though..

I'm a loner.I've always been one. I'm cold yet warm.I dunno.People say dat I'm warm which I don't think so since I dont have many frens and people dont seem to like me coz I've no money,no beauty and not popular??I dont know.Perhaps of bad feng shui or karma or people just dont like me that much.

I hope I will be happy.I hope I can find my happiness.I hope I wont get hurt.I hope I can smile beamingly once again and find pure happines and calm..