Wednesday, December 23, 2009


Regret?? Yes.. Still hoping?? Yes.. Sigh~

Am I wasting my time?? I xknow..Sigh~

I just hope that God will answer my prayers.. I'm hoping as I always do..But I am scared that I will get hurt again n again..I xknow how much this heart can endure it..

Am I too easy to trust people?? Perhaps I am..

Am I too easy to forgive people??I am..but it's not wrong..

Am I too easy to be taken advantage of?? Perhaps I am..

Life is unfair sometimes n I hate it..It's not that I am questioning Qada' n Qadar..I just hope that life will be good or at least that this heart wont feel this throbbing pain..It just keep going on n on n on..

I thought after the breakup life will be good..but it's not..N I'm like an idiot waiting n hoping again n again..

Frens told me I am easy to be deceived..easy to trust people..I xknow what to do now..

Hope..I hate that word..

Thursday, December 17, 2009


When a a people asks for forgiveness,we try to forgive him.It's a natural thing to do..sometimes ppl take things 4 granted.Do things without thinking abt the impact n consequences..N then sorry...End of story..

I dunno..My prob is I am so weak.Dats why people took advantage of me..I just hope I am strong enough to face the future..

I just hope the decision that I made yesterday was right..I hope I wont get hurt again..I know I'm not the unluckiest person in the world but I had gone through a lot of things in life..Not only me but my mom n my bro..Life is unfair sometimes..Dad passed away n life was hard..Mom is right..She suffered a lot..She didnt talk bad to ppl,she didnt do unkind things to ppl yet ppl did a lot of bad things to her n that include my so-called-family...All her life is dedicated to me n my bro..Yet she still got tested..I am sorry for her..I know she loves us dearly n she doesnt deserved to be treated like that..

I hope life will be much easier..I hope I can finally have a perm job( as a teacher,hopefully),settle down with the man that I love n thats it..hoping that at least my mom will be less worry abt me..I hope adik will get good result for his master..I am so proud of him..Only 23 and he is already doing his master.I hope his journey will be smooth..He is the most brilliant bro i ever have n yet he never had a good journey..I know he was dissapointed to never be able to study medicine..I know he was dissapointed coz he was never been offered any scholarship despite all the excellent results..

Life is an amazing journey..n I believe that life,mine particularly is no diff..its like a drama or a movie..n mine is so complex..I learn that kinship is nothing compared to money..N i thought b4 that dis only happens in drama..

Perhaps I should change dis blog's name.blk2 ckp psl bende yg same kan??But Im not a biarla..
Perhaps I should find some time to write abt other things..actually I do have smething in mind but mybe next time la..

So,yesterday I chose to forgive n I hope I will be happy..

Sunday, December 13, 2009


I look around at other people's blogs n their blogs are like nice n cheery with lots of pic n stuff..but mine is like blah..but I believe more in the story.I'd came across blogs that are not that fancy but their stories are good.n for me that is what blog is about,rite??but of course,fancy is nice..

For me,rite now,I xwant to put pic yet..mybe later..

But I like to write..writing is my passion..perhaps I will write more other than sadness n misery.hehe

Just for some afternoon post here.Wish I can get more people to read but nah...who wants to read a boring blog??

(Me excluded) :p

Saturday, December 12, 2009


ntahla..looking back on all my posts sume ckp psl misery,sadness..But I am sad..Im not good in pretending to be happy or be someone else..Ckp pun main ikut lps..tula,xreti nak hipokrit.pdn muka sndr.

Biarla kan ape nak jd pun..nangis cmne pun,sedih cmne pun,the reality is still there..biarla cmne pun ..

But I hate to be lied..I hate to be taken advantage..Am I too bad that I am deserved to be treated like a piece of trash??Nak luah,luah.pastu snyp..igt ht n perasaan leh buat main??Im not desperate ok??shame on u for treating me like that!!

Ntahla..Just let it be..I hope I can finally meet n find my own happiness..Everything happens for a reason..Perhaps ni blsn kot psl I myself broke the promise I made to my ex??Tp slh ke??Is it wrong for me to fight for my own happiness???

I dont know..I wish I have some answers..

Sunday, December 6, 2009

School holiday..

School holiday..sigh~ it has been 3 weeks yet I feel like it just started..mau x,2 weeks kene p skolah buat keje org..mcm kerani pun ade..ape2 pun dh krg kene p skolah gak..ntahla..xnak pk cuti pun amat boring..

Now,Im trying to catch up with all my posts n then fb n then ntahla..Im still wondering abt where I will be working next year n I miss my students already..erm..But what to do..Just wish that I will get to be a perm teacher..

Lots of things happen..good n bad..but mostly bad..I finally get my own car which is cool but the bad thing is, a dog HIT my car n my car was not even a month old!!!yes, it HIT my car.not the other way round.I was on the way to school n suddenly a black dog came out of nowhere did a kamikaze by suddenly ran crossing the road.It was just like not even half of metre away from me!!I couldnt go to the left coz there was a motorcycle next to me..I couldnt just brake coz the car behind me was so close to my car's beautiful butt and hell yeah I couldnt go to the right coz the lights just turned green!!I braked n it hit..sorry,doggie.but MIRACULOUSLY the dog survived!!I had this scream like AAAAHHHH!!! n the cake that i brought to school for the class party fell down.When I reached school,I saw that the plate no was missing!!damn!! what a bad car,hit a black dog.Sometimes I have to be kind of pantang a bit la..

Then, abt my private life..ntahla..I give up..perhaps Im not good enough to be happy..just biarla..

A lot to be shared but krg jd berita besar,dats all for now..

Im uploading my pics to my fb..Im so this moment,I wish I have a bf..Tp dl ade pun mcm xde..but at least I was happy n sad..ok,dat was history already..haha!!

need some beauty sleep...bye