Monday, March 26, 2012

The unspoken

Salam..It's been a while since the last post..

Well, I was quite bz n though I had some free times,the times were used for er, personal time?huhuhu

See, how to put this in words..

For the 1st times in months, I am very happy..
For the 1st times in months, I am blessed to be heard..
For the 1st times in months, I am finally able to smile for unknown reason
For the 1st times in months, I got to laugh bcoz of jokes that sometimes can be so silly..

The list goes on..but 1 thing for sure..I am happy..

But seriously, I am not sure how this feelings will continue to feel this way..I hope it will just stay put coz I'm done with all this emo-thingy..Seriously..

But then, life seriously cn be unfair..See, my life has never been so smooth..And I am so trying hard to be as positive as I can be..And maybe bcoz I had gone through so much that I felt,as long as I have tried and put my efforts into it,I just have to be 'redha'? I don't know..hmmm..Who am I to question the qada and qadar..

Maybe I am just tired to think about the possibilities or I am just enjoying the moment..

But, I am thankful that for some reasons, I am happy..

And so, to that 1 person, Thank u..I am happy :)

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Je t'aime~

Salam..It has been a while since I updated this blog.

Hmm..for those who don't understand the meaning of the title,please translate it from English to French ya..hehe

Well, it's not that I am loving someone (except well,my mom,my brother,my car etc..). Love is subjective..And how we define our feeling towards the person (or persons). Sometimes we misunderstood care for love..Sometimes we misunderstood lust for love..Sometimes we misunderstood admiration for love..

See, I'm a LOSER in this kind of things.I don't have much experience in this..But I know the feelings of care..Thinking back, did I really love him? Coz now, I feel like I'm not. Or maybe I did but the feelings of hurt and sadness made me feel like that..Seriously,I don't know..

But I hope for one. That is for eternity. Perhaps I wont understand the feeling of love until I really meant for it. That is MARRIAGE..God is great..And I am trying so damn hard to think positively (although I do think negative all the time)

For me,everything happens for a reason. I'm done with the crying stuff (though I still do sometimes). But I must admit, you can't possibly erase the memories or the feelings towards that person ever. I really mean that. Once a person knocks a heart, it stays. And though the person may be gone, the scars will be there. And it will haunt you for the rest of your life.

But the question is there, how are you going to treat the scar? Are you going to cry hysterically or beat yourself up? I must say, just move on..And if you must go back,then go back to where you should be.

I've been there and done that. And it hurt like hell..

But still, though how I shut myself up from being knocked or touched, still,this heart is well,being knocked and touched again and again..

And though I may be hurt again or happy, I'm not in the position to argue. Who am I to fight the destiny that have been written in Lul Mahfuz..

At least the memories make me smile,make me cry,make me realise how stupid I was and appreciate life more..

See, "Yesterday is a history, Tomorrow is a mystery and Today is a gift....That's why it's called a Present" (this quotes is from Kung Fu Panda ya..)

So, I'm just enjoying the moment. And hopefully, I just can say Je t'aime (in English okay..hehe) to the person who deserves it. Insya Allah :)

So, Tu m'aimes? hehehe..well~just asking..haha

Thursday, February 16, 2012


Salam and Hepi Wednesday (korang xpelik ke hr2 ade post br?? sy LAGI pelik ;p )

Today is a bad day..I mean seriously tiring with unexpected workloads and lots of unnecessary attention..


Dalam tengah2 bz ni la dengar budak nangis,dengar bunyi rotan,tengok budak kena denda..haih..


 Xkesahla orang nak cakap ape..tetap xsmpai hati..bukan anak sendiri pon,tetap rasa sakit..tetap rasa kesian..tiap kali dengar bunyi rotan tu kena kat bdn budak tu,ish..kalo ikut macam nak gi jek halang..(tapi xberani la plak nak halang..nnt dgn cikgu cute neh kene rotan..ouchh! )

Well, this is just my opinion..I'm not really supporting this kind of punishment..Sometimes,yeah,maybe..but too hard on them is not a good thing ya..

Maybe because they are still kids that makes me feel so xsmpai hati cmtu..(pttla kena buli dgn budak)

But then, like I said earlier, I dare not to comment too many coz well, I can't predict the future..Skali tgk pukul kalah mak tiri..hehe..xla..insya Allah tak camtu :)

So,the conclusion is, len kali budak2 kalo nak buat hal,sila buat di hari yg tcer tak bz okeh? hehehe..tetibe ;p

A bit of afternoon post to release all the negative energies...(smbil berangan tengah di bilik hotel menikmati aircon yang sejuk sambil dilayan bak puteri gitu..) kahkahkah...berangan xhengat ;p

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

The-not-so-strong Me

Salam and Happy Wednesday

Okay..I'm freaking out..Well, I never knew this would turn out so hard..Well, I was expecting it but I never expect it to be so damn hard.

I admit I am weak. I admit I am good but I am a total loser on how to teach them..

I was seriously confident I can change or even improve them but seriously, I think I am a failure...

Tetibe rasa sgt2 down..

Buat apa pon sume xelok..sume xjadi..

Bestnye kalo dapat gi vacation..xde masalah kerja..enjoy jek..tapi xnak la sorg2..sorg2 karang kena kidnap lak..bahaye~~hehehe...

Seriously, my dream vacation is going to a beach (I mean,seriously beautiful beach ala2 perhentian or sipadan), watching the sunset and sunrise..ecewah...len kali nk honeymoon sane la..hahaha..

Okay..I'm a bit close to insanity..(well,literally...bkn la insane btol2..huhu)

So,the conclusion is, I'm trying to be strong in what I do best. To be an EDUCATOR.. ( tp bl ajar bdk2 beh jd mcm ala2 mummy pon ade..adeh)

Well, c'est la what the french say..hmmm..

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

A Dream

Salam and Happy Tuesday ( tak hepi pon buat2 hepi je okay? :D )

U know, I must admit. I really do want to get married..kiki..(btol la..ngaku jek..haha ;p) 

But then, in order to get married,one has to find a partner first la kan??hoho..

U know, hehe..time zaman jahiliah dl (skrg pon jahil lg..huhu) brangan xhengat kunun2 nk laki cmni adalah ciri2 time zaman jahiliah (hehehe ;p)

1. tinggi (of cos la..i kan tggi..kiki)
2. hensem..okla..xhensem sgt pon jgnla huduh sgt
3. xnk kuyus sgt (well,best nk peluk ape..kiki)
4. ala2 macho gitu (xkn la nak mcm auw2 kot...xnk la..)

Tapi tu dulu..sekarang list tu dh ubah...well,no 1 tu msih kekal la kan..hehe..tapi,the main priority is a man that can lead his wife...mestila ke arah kebaikan..takkan keburukan kot..

Dan kalau leh,nak kekal sampai ke jannah..

Well,ni bukan ciri2 yang sy sorg je nak..except the no.1 tu la..yg tu ciri2 yang saya nak..hehe..xhensem xpe..janji hensem di mata si isteri..kiki..Semua wanita kena impikan dan doakan untuk mendapat lelaki yang baik..janji seorang laki yang menghormati,menghargai dan membimbing wanita ke arah yang lebih baik..kan?

Dengan tu,barulah leh jadi isteri yang mithali..kan?

Barulah leh dapat anak yang soleh dan solehah..kan?

So, yes, I am a woman full of sin but I'm hoping that I can finally find my husband for life and insya Allah, in heaven :)

So,how about you?

Monday, February 13, 2012

The Perception

Salam and Happy Morning (since today is Monday blues to everyone including me! ) hehe

Hmm..Do u ever think what kind of perception of people towards us?

I do. I think people may think I am sombong and garang ( sbnrnye xla sombong pon kalo dh x?hoho..garang2 pon rsnye harap jerkah suara kuat je kot..huhu)

Well, I am an observer..I judge people from my observation..Sometimes, perception can be deceiving..Memang apa yang kita nampak tu tak betul pun..Kita rasa kita tau dan faham tp tak pun..

As for me, biarla orang cakap saya ni sombong asalkan saya mesra dan friendly to person that I care of..biarla orang cakap saya ni garang asalkan saya garang kerana still xsmpai ht gak..huhu...

People can have bad perceptions about me, but I don't really care..hah!!NMPK SGT MENIPU..Memangla amik kesah...Tapi xdela kesah smpai tahap fanatik..

I had an experience when people misunderstood my point during a conversation and it ended up by I got scolded up..And seriously, I don't think I am at fault..I am just voicing out my opinion in the humorous kind of way..Apsal yg tetibe nk mrh...Thus lead us to ego...What's in an ego that made u feel u should act like that? Even if I am wrong in replying or conforming to ur point, then do u have to cpt melatah?? I seriously DO understand ur point and I DO gave my point as what u were talking..It's just that u are looking (or understand) in a perspective on ur own..A point can be looked at many views...Even a picture can bring different meanings depending on the viewer..

It did sadden me..Bkn sedih apa..Sedih pasal sikap orang. Orang leh berubah atau jadi sseorg yg ntahla..

A bit of afternoon post..

I only care about the perception of people that I care ya...

So, I'm taking this in a positive way :)

Friday, February 10, 2012

The Punishment


Hmm..While I was teaching this morning, I heard something and for me, it was hurtful..Imagine the sound of people got hit..Kadang2 xtau nak cakap mcm mana..Pukul susah, tak pukul susah. 

The environment in Tamil school is different ya..I already know about this while I was doing my SBE (School Based Experience)..But there was no such thing happened in that school..I just heard from friends. So, to finally experience it now, well,it has been expected but to really SEE and that's NEW..huhu..In Tamil school, the punishment is kinda strict and sometimes really strict. The teachers sgt senang bagi penampar,pukulan dan rotan..Mcm ala-ala kasar dan tegas nak ajar dan hukum bdk2..hmmm..

Tapi,sgt2 respect bila budak2 sgt hormat cikgu2..kalau ckp ke apa,mesti jwb ya or tcer..xada angguk2 jek..And I learned that they really respect their teachers that they will sometimes come back to the school even after they left the school..And the parents xkesah pon anak2 dorg kena hukum mcm mana.

I am not in any position to judge. For me, ada kebaikan dan keburukan..

Kadang2 bila terlalu lembut pun susah pasal budak2 akan pijak balik kepala kita. hmm..Bila keras sgt, takut ganggu psikologi dorg..Takut makin memberontak etc..Lagi2 kat bdk2 yg besar sikit. Sebab tu ada insiden tayar pancit etc..

I don't know..I just know that I am the xsmpai hati punya cikgu..Tak cakap diri ni baik tapi setakat ni, tak pernah lagi buat bdk2 nangis psl kena pukul..Dengan mulut pernah..Yang tu rasa best la plak..hehe..Pasal masa marah2 dan bagi nasihat tu, dorg leh nangis..ecewah..dasat ayat yang kuar tu..kiki..

For me, I like to treat them like a friend (nak ckp layan mcm anak sendiri tapi rasa mcm muda jek nak anggap diri mcm ibu dorg..hohoho)..But yes, they do pijak blk kepala neh..That's why they are not really scared of me..But I'm hoping that they respect me rather than afraid or scared..

Well, as for me,perasan garang jek..Garang xsgt pon..Dengar bdk kena pukul pon leh rasa kesian. Nak buat sndr tu cmnela..Sangat respect kat cikgu disiplin..huhu

Maybe it's my instinct or maybe it's just me. Lain kali anak sendiri xtaula cmne..Seriously, I can understand the feelings of a mother..Bak kata orang, cubit peha kiri, peha kanan pon terasa (btol ke??blasah jek..hehe)

Isn't a woman great? Camne lembutnya hati seorang wanita walau sekeras mana pon nampak. That's why I can't understand how a woman can abandon her child..Maybe she has her own reason tp bl 9 bulan anak tu dengan kita, beranak dengan penuh kesakitan dan dengar suara tangisan bayi tu, hati ibu mana2 pon ttp akan tersentuh..

So, seriously, I don't know. Maybe for me, a mixture of hard and soft punishment may do..I just think if we are serious and care about them, they will know and they will respect us.

Still, I don't know...huhu!!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

I promote English okay~~


Hmmmm...haih....Now that's not a gud way to start rite?hehe...Well..I'm losing my mind here..Seriously,I am struggling..

I admit though my English is quite good (ecece..mcm ada unsur menunjuk di situ :p) but then to teach people to be good at it is different.. Especially in place or community where the importance of English is quite neglected.

I don't know. I'm not sure how to comment. I am blessed that my mom exposed English to my brother and I since little..I am blessed that I love to read since my parents made it a habit for us to do so. For me, family does bring an impact to a child's life..

However, some person whose parents are illiterate managed to succeed too. And I am sure,since the parents are illiterate, they are not the ones who teach their children at home rite?

Hmm, so in the end, it's up to our determination. How bad we want to succeed, how good we want to be.

(Rasa lapar la plak tgh taip2 neh...kan best kalo time ni ada bf dtg htr lunch ala2 citer hong kong tu? ;p)

Now, as a person who is involved in language-English particularly, maybe u want to try out this methods..Who knows it might help u..A small improvement is better than none..Hopefully it will help u all ya..

1. Start young : If possible during ur pregnancy..hehe..well, quite ridiculous rite? but hey, it is proven now that baby responds even while in the womb. (Sebab tu la, ibu mengandung disuruh banyak baca Al-Quran..) And continuous exposure to music will make the baby more alert...(tetibe rasa nak baby..kiki)

2. Early exposure : yeah..just like no. 1 u might think..but exposure is really important..Cartoons, series, books,magazines etc...( korang ingat tak, dulu2 macam tak ada sangat pon kartun2 dalam BM neh? sume stail English..adala sket..Keluang Man pon start 90-an cmtu..) Jadi, bila bdk2 neh dah biasa, jadi nak belajar pon sng tangkap.

3. Practise, practise and practise : Well, for me, miracle doesn't come overnight..No such fast or instant result. Nak kurus pon kena exercise nak bagi segala lemak2 tu cair..Ni kan lagi nak biasakan lidah tu yg dah berpuluh tahun ckp bhs ibunda kan?? U know, do u ever think why the banglas can speak BM? xkan dorg amik kelas BM kot?? So,for me, if u say, lidah punya pasal xleh nk wat,then, bullshit..Make it a habit to speak..Cer gi bank ckp english, cer gi supermarket ckp english..( this one is my advice to all students ya but of cos la not rojak punya English :p )

There are so many ways and being a new teacher, I am helpless and struggling to teach them. They are improving but mind u, it's really hard.

U know, while I am typing this post, I am wondering, rasa2 lain kali, untuk anak sendiri leh ke wat cmtu?

Leh jek :)

Btw, a bit of sesi menunjuk---> I can speak basic French, Mandarin, Cantonese, Hokkien and fluent bahasa Melayu..n now I know a bit of Tamil, kalo nk mengata n kutuk2 tu,agak2 la sket ye ;p

Friday, February 3, 2012

A False Hope

People like hope..

A patient hopes for recovery

A mother hopes the best for her children

A single woman hopes for a loving husband

A single man hopes for an understanding wife

And the list goes on..

But then, why people give false hopes?

Sometimes,even though it might sounds ridiculous, people still find it hard to resist the temptation of being hopeful..

Isn't it hard to tell the truth? People might say the truth will make things worse..but isn't it much worse if the truth comes out? Isn't it few hundred times more hurtful?

I don't know..Maybe sometimes lies might be good..

As a pessimist as always, I'm done hoping..Just trying to move on with the hopes of life can be much better.
Still hoping,huh? hehe..Well, u are not a human being if u never have hopes in ur life..

As for now, I'm trying to be happy n crazy as I can be..(not that kind of crazy ya) huhu..

And hopefully,there's a silver lining for everything. Insya Allah :)

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Hello..Who are you??


By the power of magic, I managed to read some nasty comments and critics about me. (giler poyo ayt magic..hehe) Well, it's not that I don't accept criticism..but when it became 'fitnah' that one is totally intolerable..

Hmm.. Dalam hidup ni kan, tak pernah terfikir nak burukkan org lg2 yang pernah kita syg..So, when I knew that I was accused lots of things, I must say, I am sad..

Tak sangka kan, orang mengata dan memfitnah benda yg xbetul? Lagi2 bila kita xde peluang pun nak bela diri atau bgtau our side of the story..

Only me, him and Allah SWT know the truth..Tapi xpela..nak buat cmne kan..I forgive them.coz I'm hoping I can get my own happiness rather than holding grudge about them..

Well,that is not the story that I want to share..Tu baru mukadimah..hehe..Yeah,they are related but different a bit..

Okay..Siapakah kita nak judge org lain? nak nilai kita ni layak atau tidak? As for me, I'm so pissed if people question or say ----> cmnela dier leh jd cikgu dh perangai cmtu?

Excusez-moi~eyh..French lak tetibe..hehe..Excuse me, who are u to judge me? Are u in the same line as I am? Do u KNOW me? You ARE listening from the one side of story and that qualifies you to judge me what kind of teacher am I?

Call me anything but CAN you be a teacher? Out of many profession, I CHOSE to be a teacher bcoz of what?

You all must be thinking why I got pissed bcoz of this.. I AM..bcoz nobody will understand the joy n happiness that I feel of being one..

Ko nak kutuk aku xkesahla..nak fitnah ke hape..tu dosa ko..tapi to judge me?

Do you know how I cracked myself up just to make sure they can read? How happy I am to know that they can do it? How I laugh at them when they do something silly?

I'm teaching at a Tamil school..It is hard but I'm holding on. And I learned that no matter what colour they are, they are still children and I love them..The love of a TEACHER to her kids..u won't understand it..I might forget them or they might forget me..but the hopes that I have for them is limitless..

So, don't judge me..Well,org lain pun xyah la korg nak nilai..setiap pekerjaan ada kbaikan n keburukan..even tukg amik smpah pon sama..korg nak ke wat keje cmtu kalo dorg xde? xde kan?

So, who are we to judge people..xpela..janji niat kita betul..budak2 pon leh rasa kalo kita ikhlas..

I am a teacher..So what?

Monday, January 30, 2012

A man full of ego part 2~

I AM an observer. I like to observe people and it is interesting to see how idiot a man or woman can be sometimes. Well,in a way,it is good to observe people and learn more about them since psychologically, we can't act 24/7..In a way,sometimes even body languages can mean something.

Now let's look..From a woman's point of view, I really can't understand men. In a way though I can understand,it can be very confusing coz they can change in a blink of eye..

But for me, is ego plays a big part in a man's life? For example, during the get-to-know-u-session..A man is interested with a woman. So,the  ice-breaking session begins..later,the man realised she's not his type..So,he just ignore her after all the constant msgs and calls...and sometimes it ends up abruptly.. For me,it's not wrong..But as a person, can't u be more compassionate a bit? U gave person some hopes and u left her without any explanation..And mind u,if the gal asks him,the guy might answer in a very demeaning way..

Talking about ego,yeah..It's NOT that women don't have ego..Everybody has.It's just the matter of how high your ego can get u. If people criticised u but u can't accept it.That's ego..If u can't accept other people's point of view,that's ego too..It is just the matter of acceptance.

From my observation as a woman to kids..Well,as a woman,it's natural to have the motherly instinct..With my job, I get to be surrounded by kids. And it's hard not to get pissed. But it's hard not to laugh and smile too.. I remembered trying hard not to laugh at them coz they mispronounced some words. I smile when a boy tried hard to tell me what he saw the other day..Isn't it great to be a mom? I think it's great..And I would be lying to say I don't want to be one coz I do. I want to be one real bad. But then, how am I going to be one without a man??hehehe

Life is interesting,isn't it? How we can be so idiot at times. A man can be a total idiot thinking that woman is not meant for him only to realise that she is the one..The same goes to the woman.

As for me, I made mistakes. And it hurts like hell. I'm trying to get rid of the ego but of course we can't.So I'm just trying to lessen it up. I used to be an introvert but now, I think Im being more extrovert in a way..Is age plays a big role?hmmm...Perhaps being an extrovert can cheer me up in a way but still it can't change this pessimist gal into an optimist person..hohoho..Well, it seems today's entry is not about a man's ego after all huh?hehe..

So,I am trying to be happy. I am trying to accept some facts. I am improving myself.

So what's in an ego?