I am happy for now~

These few months were a mixture of  happiness,sadness,craziness..etc.

For some reason,I always feel that I deserved to feel so..what should i say..bad??Now do i realise that my life is so pathetic. I let myself to be treated like shit n yet believe that I deserved that.

I believe in God.I always do eventhough I'm not a good follower.I believe God is fair n I will be happy. I'm now in IPG doing my KPLI for English. I remembered when I was waiting for the result to come out.I pray that if this what i must sacrifice in order to be happy,to be a teacher,to meet with a man that can guide me,make me happy,I accept it..And only God knows how happy I am,how thankful I am when I was accepted..Eventhough I was so damn sad becoz of a guy that was soo good in convincing me that I AM the reason for everything,I am happy..

As for know,I'm happy.Eventhough I am so freaking tired n exhausted. But I accept it with an open heart. And FYI, I lost a few kilos in only 3 weeks!! sooo damn happy.

But now,i have this fear. The fear of being hurt and I dont think I can tolerate or even accept it anymore..Why it must be me?the feeling of hurt n sadness of being deceived,manipulated..the feeling of hurt alone saddens me..

I know I must believe in God and I pray for that..I still believe everything happens for a reason..And hopefully,it will..