Ambition

What was ur ambition? Remember the times when we were in school and we had to fill in our ambition in our blue coloured file?huhuh...I remembered that i wanted to become a lawyer. From Year 1 to Year 6. Lawyer,lawyer,lawyer. Nape nak jadi lawyer pun xtau. Coz I thought lawyer was a cool job kot(pengaruh tgk drama Hong Kong everyday :p)

Then,I heard that to be a lawyer, u have to be good in ur history subject which was not a good news to me (sejarah  cukup2 makan jek...huhuhu...tp credit ok :p ) So,lawyer was not in my list anymore. Guess wut? I wanted to be a journalist lak.hehe..Seriously, I had this thought that I wud never survive a 9-5 job coz I wud be bored to death by just sitting and doing works and atas pengaruh tv lg, journalist seemed to fit the bill. hohoho..

Then, when I was in Form 4 and chose Accounts as my elective, I knew that I wanted to further my studies in that field coz it WAS fun. Seriously..that was the subject that I enjoyed learning..to do all the book keeping, to calculate the depreciation,to get the balance sheet balanced..I remembered that I wud keep trying to find the answers till I got it balanced..So it was a natural thing to further my studies in the subject since I scored well..So,during my university time,after all the exposures,my ambition was to be an accountant. A chartered accountant to be exact. Where everyone might be familiar with ACCA (Association of Certified Chartered Accountants), I was not interested with that bcoz for me I was interested with CIMA (Chartered Institute of Management Accountants). The reason? Coz I felt I was doing great in the cost management subject rather than financial statements. The other reason was that I felt ACCA glemer sgt...byk org amik..CIMA xramai..lg glemer...hmm...I really hold to that ambition till I realised that I probably have to let go that ambition coz I realized my results were not good enough to make me eligible to further my studies..seriously,I felt regret and it was totally,100% my fault coz I was distracted especially during my degree..( bercinta la hape lg....hambik..) During my final year, I felt like I had no interest in the course anymore coz I felt I had no drive,no motivation. I just did it just for the sake of finishing it and get my degree..

But during my practical, I realised that audit was kinda boring..(FYI,audit is checking company's accounts ie;accountants' or accounts managers' works.From there,we will derive the audited income statement etc for annual reports) Seriously, I was bored and being in this field was very stressful. If a trainee pon dh kene push giler2,lg la permanent staff..And the salary for an audit assistant is really small..unless if u work at the Big 4 co ie. PricewaterhouseCoopers,Deloitte,Ernst & Young and KPMG. The heavy workloads, rushing for datelines and stuck in the office and small salary...I must say,there's something missing..okla...ckp byk2 psl bende ni pon,krg korang boring lak..huhuh..

So when I finally graduate, tetibe recession la plak~~ so after failed interviews and endless job seeking, I tried my luck in becoming a relief teacher coz my mom asked me to try..BTW, did u know wut subject that I had to teach during my 1st stint??? HISTORY!!!!!!! Yup..i kene ajar sejarah okay...subjek yang i paling benci dan paling boring. (hambek..yg mane ko benci la lg ko dpt kan..hambek ko,Juita) But then, when being a teacher, it's different..I felt like if I was bored to learn history then I wanted it to be fun..I wanted them to enjoy learning history even though for a month..But that short stint didn't leave much impact but still I felt quite good yet I didn't know wut was it..

Finally when I was given a 1 year contract to teach English in this 1 school that I finally realised wut it is..A satisfaction..I don't know how to describe it..To see them being able to learn and understand..the happiness,all the mischievous and naughty antics..all the anger and endless scolds..That's it...A teacher's job...Never in my entire life did I ever imagine that I will be 1...The bond that I had with my students by all the nags, endless yells..I never felt so connected with them..I felt angry and sad and happy with them..

I remembered when I was in IPG and the lecturers asked why do u want to be a teacher..The most cliché answer is bcoz I like to teach..But for me, I DO like teaching...

Can u understand the joy of marking lotsa correct answers? Can u feel the dissatisfaction when ur students fail? I can bcoz I did..

Penah skalik ada dis 1 colleague said best mark paper bdk2 yg xpndai ni.keje pangkah n xyah mark pon (for objective paper)..for me---> TAK SUKE!!! Seriously xsuke..I pun mcm pelik napela hamba Allah ni leh ckp cmtu..If possible, I cari2 peluang nak bagi dorg lulus..hmm...tula..teacher pesan blaja xnak..mrh xsuke...pastu result trok...but then,some of them tak kesah pon..haih...

I won't trade anything for this..I thank Allah for this..Everything happens for a reason..Actually, I never think of the pahala by being a teacher. Memangla nak pahala tp sbnrnye xtrpk pon..I just felt happy doing this job..Sometimes,I did think..Wut happens if I studied harder? Wut happens if I was good in my history? I had bad results and I regretted it but it lead me to this..

God plans everything for us..It may be cruel and very heartbreaking but in the end,there's a silver lining...Seriously,guys..I don't know about the others but somehow, if I did make an impact in any 1 of my students' life..even a little bit..I'm very happy..Tak kesah la diorg xigt sape pon Teacher Juita ni..

May Allah SWT bless my student's soul..May she rests in peace..Nur Fadhilah bt Zaki passed away a day before Eid..She succumbed to leukemia at just the age of 16..I miss u a lot..

So,what is ur ambition? What was ur ambition?